Ten Easy Steps to Writing A Typical KaiOC Fic
by realize
Summary: Want to write a Beyblade story but have no ideas? Just follow this easy guide! [Oneshot parody]


1**. Disclaimer**: Pick one of the following:

a. I don't own Beyblade! If you own it, please don't sue me. Yes, I think that if you owned Beyblade, you would waste your time reading fanfics about your own show because you have no ideas and want to steal ideas from me.

b. I don't own Beyblade, but I do own Kai and all those other hot guys. Giggles

c. I don't own Beyblade, but I am the owner of a Beyblade. Har-de-har-har. Don't you just love my sense of humour?

2. **Plot**: Pick one of the following:

a. Your OC is a new girl. Kai is the most popular guy in school. Despite the fact that he is "cold" and hates everything, he has a ton of slutty girlfriends, but unfortunately for them, he falls in love with your OC even though they hate each other as soon as they meet.

b. Your OC is the newest member of the Bladebreakers. She is super strong and can beat anyone easily, except Kai of course. They battle and your OC either draws with Kai or wins. Kai then proceeds to hate your OC and complain about having a girl on the team. He has many fangirls chasing him, but unfortunately for them, he falls in love with your OC even though they hate each other as soon as they meet.

**Note: **If you find this too hard to put in the **summary**, just use "I suck at summaries but the story is great!" because of course, if you can't even write a simple summary, it must mean you have great talent at writing long chapters. Or you can use "This is my first fic so it's bad, please RR," because telling people your story sucks draws attention to it, right?

3**. Making an OC**: This is probably the best part. Basically, your OC is the person you wish you could be. That explains why she is excessively pretty and beats out all the other girls. You wish you could be with Kai, but you don't want people to think you're crazy for loving an anime character, so you make up so story, which is basically your fantasy. Your OC must:

a. be excessively pretty, but not know it. Kai can't possibly go out with an ugly or arrogant girl.

**Example**: Kai's breath caught as he looked at your OC. She was stunningly beautiful, with her simple low cut jeans and a tank top that accented her curvy body. Her beautiful eyes (that also happen to change with her emotions) shone brightly, and so on. We never find out the rest of his thoughts because he is too busy controlling his emotions.

b. have a dark past. This is so she and Kai can have something to talk about, seeing as they have nothing else in common. Also, it makes your OC a cold person, and we all know those who play hard-to-get are more attractive. Then again, it doesn't really matter since your OC is already the most attractive person in the whole wide world (next to Kai) and they'll fall in love and live happily ever after.

c. be able to speak tons and tons of languages because it makes her seem "smart". This means, you, the author, will have to use a dictionary to translate every word, making numerous mistakes because you fail to notice that grammar rules in English and other languages are different. Also, you will put a or 1 or whatever next to the foreign language so that the reader will have to scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page to understand what you're trying to say.

4**. Kai must**:

a. be cold.

**Example**: Kai leaned against the wall, arms crossed and face closed off as usual. His stoic expression made people wonder why his face didn't crack, but no one complained because he was oh-so-beautiful. Occasionally, Kai raised an eyebrow or smirked, even though he's not supposed to show emotion. Maybe he has facial twitches? That must be it. Someone should inject him with Botox.

There is an exception to this rule, and that is when Kai is sleeping.

**Example**: Your OC looked at Kai's face while he slept. She was surprised to see that he looked like a normal person. His cold mask slipped off his face while he slept, making him look cute and vulnerable. Your OC gets a sudden urge to pinch his cheeks.

b. be arrogant

**Example**: "I am the best!" Kai said which surprised everyone because they never knew he could talk. "I am superior because I rule and I am hot." Everyone promptly got down on their knees and bowed down to him. Actually, some people just swooned and fainted at his hotness.

c. be muscular.

**Example**: Your OC tried to not look as Kai stripped off his shirt. Her eyes traveled over his flat stomach and rippling arms. Kai smirked. "Like what you see?" Your OC blushed. Kai decided it was best not to mention he was on steroids.

d. be rich.

**Example**: "I drive a Porche and I live in a mansion. But I hate money because it's dirty money from Voltaire, who is currently in jail. That means I live alone in my big mansion even though I'm not legal to. I'm just soo bad ass," said Kai proudly.

"Really, you're rich?" asked your OC, stating the obvious. "But if you're so rich, how come you never change your clothes? I mean, it seems like in every chapter, you always wear a muscle tee and a white scarf."

Kai then shuts up, because he remembered he's not supposed to talk. He can only grunt, "Hn," like a caveman.

5. **The "dark past" scene**. Refer to step 3b.

**Example**: "Wah," your OC cried. "I'm being haunted by my past and no one understands you but me, Kai."

Kai sat expressionless as his memories of Boris and the Abbey came rushing back. "I have a dark past too!" Kai said. "Let's bitch about our dark pasts together and get it over with because the reader is getting sick and tired of us talking about our dark pasts!"

6. **The songfic**.

This is great when you have no ideas. Pick any love song and like magic, your characters suddenly understand their hidden feelings. Also, it lets you take credit for someone else's work and you get praise for it too!

7. **The Kai is a hero scene**.

**Example**: Your OC struggled against the man in vain. He leered down at her, and your OC could smell the stink of beer breath. The man grinned as he quickly ripped off her clothes. She whimpered, but he silenced her.

Kai just so happened to be walking past and thought he'd check out the alley to see if there were any drug dealers there. He saw your OC on the ground and his anger boiled when he saw the man.

Your OC looked up and saw Kai, looking like a superhero with his scarf billowing behind him like a cape. Kai pulled the man off of your OC and beat him to a bloody pulp.

He picked up your OC, while comforting her. "My hero," she whispered.

8. **The kiss**.

**Example: **Kai trapped your OC with his arms on opposite sides of her. She could smell his winter scent and was intoxicated by it, which explained why she leaned her head in, wanting to taste his lips. Kai looked at her soft pink lips and his raging hormones made him dip his head down to capture her lips with his. Fireworks exploded and neither could think as they ravaged each other.

The next day, they act like it never happened and go back to hating each other.

9. **The Bit-beast scene**.

a. Dranzer and the ridiculous name you gave your OC's bitbeast talk about their young masters.

b. Dranzer teases Kai about his undeniable feelings.

**Example**: "You love her," Dranzer stated softly.

Kai jumped back in alarm. "Who's there?"

"Dranzer," said the bitbeast, rolling his eyes, hurt.

Kai proceeds to hit his head on the wall while screaming, "I'm going crazy! There are voices inside my head!"

If he suffers brain damage or amnesia from this, all the better. That way, you could write sappy, tear-filled scenes and waste a few chapters while Kai forgets your OC but then all of a sudden, a light bulb switched on in his head. Next thing you know, you have major FLUFF.

c. Your OC and her bitbeast talk about random pointless things because there's nothing else to talk about.

Need I say more?

10. **The revelation of love**.

"Kai, I love you," said your OC.

"What?" said Kai, proving just how intelligent he is.

"I love you," said your OC.

Kai doesn't say anything, but takes her into his arms and kisses her senseless because he sucks at expressing his feelings.

Oh, and this part comes after winning the world champions because we all know such a pretty, perfect couple just can't be defeated (also, your OC meets her old teammates at the Worlds and she fainted into strong Kai's arms) or after defeating the nerds AND the popular kids at school because they're jealous freaks who love to torment people better than them.

* * *

That's it. Happy writing! 


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